Driving in My Brothers Truck

It's symbolic in so many ways, driving to training for Mercy Ships in my brothers truck.  Inside and out it needs a lot of work.  It's been used hard.  It is a piece of my brothers life, and it holds memories.  Some good, some bad, and some heart wrenching.  My brother was selfless before I understood what that meant.  He taught me a lot about love, dedication, and perseverance.

Eight years ago something happened that rocked my world...on March 31, 2004 my brother 1st Lt. Doyle Hufstedler III was killed by an IED (improvised explosive device) in Iraq.  He was a month shy of is 25th birthday.  I was changed in so many way through the loss of my brother.  Initially the changes did not look good.  I was angry & depressed, but most of all I felt abandoned & defeated.  I had prayed EVERY day when he left for Iraq that he would return safely.  The God I trusted and prayed to didn't answer yes.  My brother and I would not be able to raise our kids together, family holidays were forever changed, and I had to watch my parents suffer with no way to help.  It was a difficult time, but through it all I was held.  It took a year for me to realize that God had never left me.  That he had always been there waiting for me to be ready to be comforted.  Most importantly I learned that God cried every time I prayed, because he knew the answer from the very first time.

Romans 8:28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

I  am so thankful to God for this promise.  I have seen his hand in my life, working tragedy into JOY.  In losing my brother I gained a Savior.  I learned that God was not Santa Claus or someone to be bargained with.  I learned what it meant to trust authentically.  I understand that the answer will not always be "yes" and I know that sometime I will hurt.  I know that through it all I have an amazing, loving, forgiving God who will comfort me if I let him.  Praise God!