Ten Years Ago

March 31, 2004 was a Wednesday. I finished teaching an advanced lyrical dance class, went over the receipts for the evening and locked up the dance studio. I was looking forward to giving my sweet baby boy a cuddle and then reading him a bedtime story before laying him down for the night. I was worried about paying April rent as we were several hundred dollars short. I was two days shy of 24 year old.

Earlier that day thousands of miles away my brother was killed. He was doing his job as a 1st Lt. in the United States Army and while performing that duty he lost his life.

I walked into a dark house. Moments later Mark would tell me that my parents had called and that my brother was gone. It was a shock. One that would take me and my family years to fully internalize and one which I will never fully understand.

What I do know is that my brother loved God, his family and his country. There is nothing more honorable than these. He taught me about honor, dedication and perseverance. He told me that I must always be able to laugh at myself and not take the "little things" too hard. He gave the best hugs and I knew I could always count on him. When I was embarrassed to two-step around a dance floor he lifted me off my feet and swung me around. In college we talked on the phone for hours sharing stories and dreams of the future. I can still remember the difference in his voice the first time he spoke about Leslie, the girl he would eventually marry. He became one of my husbands best friends. He wasn't just my brother. He was my friend.

Today, I remember Doyle. Brother. Hero. Friend.

Today is a day to remember his sacrifice. It is also a day to remember God's faithfulness, love and compassion. Recently a friend wrote a blog post with a quote about scars. Something about how the scars tell us we are still alive. I believe that if you took a picture of my heart it would be full of scars, places that are only held together through faith. I grieve the loss of my brother and in the same breath I praise the Lord for his life. In church tonight we sang Blessed be Your Name.

You Give and Take Away

You Give and Take Away

My Heart will Choose to Say

Lord, Blessed Be Your Name

I am thankful that ten years later I can truly sing these words. I may cry while I do but only because they are true. Thank You Lord for walking with me through life's trials and blessings.